Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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