im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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