I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
