he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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