and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
