I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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