So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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