Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
