I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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