GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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