i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
