The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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