you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
