i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
