It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
