i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
