I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
