Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Girls should come with a carfax report
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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