all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
