the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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