Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
