the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
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