If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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