He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
