He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
