I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A+ Viking dick
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
