Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
