shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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