You made me cry and you don't even care
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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