apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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