Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
