i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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