its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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