either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
