But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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