is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
