69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
