dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
