i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
