it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
