Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
