"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The feeling are messing with the penis
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
