Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
