Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
