I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
