Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
