i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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