I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
