Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
