so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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