Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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