Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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