How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
