I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
