Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
