You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
