you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
