Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
