i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
