Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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