i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
