Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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