Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
