i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
