If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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