i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
