I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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