I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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