So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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