At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
