I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
