I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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