I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
