toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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