We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
