This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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