I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
