I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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