I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
