I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
