The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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