Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
