i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
