ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
