You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How does it feel to date your dad?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
