Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Redeem this text for a blowjob
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
