When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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