I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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