Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
