I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
